Fantasy Football Week 2 recap & Week 3 predictions
Brought to you by The Warlock:
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Brought to you by The Warlock:
Wild thing! *duh duh.. duh duh duh* You make my heart… well, explode if I did all the drugs you have.
Kevin – $50
Justin – $50
Please pay before your teams get injured and you get angry… oh wait that’s just my team as of next Tuesday. I can tell the future.
Two weeks into the 2011 season, and what have we learned so far?
Steve Smith (the original) is back with a vengeance. AJ Green is running away with the offensive rookie of the year, and Julio Jones and Mark Ingram have a long way to go to catch up. He just looks legit right out of the gate, even with his crazy ginger QB. Kenny Britt is staying off drugs and making Hasselbeck look like Seattle really was that bad of a team last season.
The top WR list looks ridiculous overall. I mean for fucks sake the #6 guy is Eric Decker. A white guy from Denver who somehow isn’t Ed McAffrey… Justin this is your notice to pick him up. C’mon you’re so close to having a purebred Aryan dynasty this season! Wait… this all sounds eerily familiar…
Those crazy Germans, if you don’t join their party… they’ll come get ya.
The RB’s are almost as crazy. I wish I had more than one of these guys… Fred Jackson, DMC, Ray Rice, Shady McCoy, AP, Forte, Best… wild first couple of weeks as Foster’s hammy is really fucking things up. Mendenhall barely has 100 yards on the season. Jamaal is on IR. Ryan Mathews and Mike Tolbert look like the equivalent of the Carolina duo from a couple of years back – possibly able to start both of them every week (assuming they both avoid injury). Wild stuff so far.
All this and I haven’t mentioned the most batshit crazy thing – Cam Newton is going off and his Dad hasn’t even asked for any more money yet. Cecil just wanted his house paid off, a new Bentley, and a couple of big face Rolex’s like in the video for “Otis” with Jay-Z and Kanye… but I mean c’mon, what kind of a son says no to that? Oh and Cutler sucks. Told you Smytty… dick. At least Colt McCoy is my backup. So… I’m fucked. The middle picks turned into two shitbag teams, which shouldn’t surprise anyone. Also, both teams are starting a Carolina RB while the rookie QB is going off for 400+ a game. Wow.
Raise your hand if you said Matt Schaub would be outscored by Andy Dalton, Newton, Colt, Hasselbeck, Sexy Rexy, Campbell, Sanchez, Henne, AND Fitzpatrick. Oh and also all of them would outscore Big Ben. All of you did? Well good for you, you fucking liars.
The goddam pen is blue… and my career is TERRIBLE now! WHY?!
Well at least Antonio Gates was a safe pick as early as he was drafted.
Suck it Aurelio.
Although, you had two guys put up a goose egg and still won for some ungodly reason this week. Whatever. Dick.
Teams that look like shit: My Couch Pulls out and I’ve already given up on my team
Come at Me, Bro! *throws pizza* *gets thrown in jail* Ha. Ha.
Hartleys Haters Love Peyton’s Neck
Teams that are going to be boom or bust every week:
Yaw Stin Please don’t punch me at the LSU game
Rock ‘em Sock ‘em Lucky Pants ‘em in the hall at school
Role Models (see first photo above)
Boner Patrol’s For A New Dog
Dr. Pain in the ass
Honey Badgers vs Wolverines
Cunning Cunt Runts
Eat the Corn out of… oh that’s nasty. Plus it is way off your diet, fatty.
Rex and the Atlantic City Pool incident (if you haven’t heard I know a guy that would LOVE to tell you about it)
Here are my bold predictions for the week 3 matchups:
Corn Eater vs. Couch Fucker
Nutz, you may have lost Jamaal Charles, but at least you’re only playing my shitty ass team this week. Enjoy. Nutz 104-Fletcher 3.14
Come on Me vs. Hartley’s sudden Boner
That was gross, but I laughed while typing it. Both teams are pretty rough. I’ll give it to Smyth because he’s starting Earnest Graham and Jonathan Stewart and I just want to see the mental breakdown Zach has when he loses to this pile of horse shit this weekend. Smyth 74 – Zach 72.
Rex and AC vs. Rock ‘em Sock ‘em
For some reason I feel like Jimmy will get lucky. It has never happened before, but why not, right? Arian Foster will miraculously heal and go off for 150 and two TDs while Cam Newton suddenly goes back to being a rookie and throws for 150 and two INTs. James Louis Laurita III – Richard Pell II.
Dr. Nerf Herder vs. Role Models
If Jenkins loses to Neuf while he’s OUT OF THE FUCKING COUNTRY that would be sad I guess. At the same time, I would laugh. The fact is though it shouldn’t happen. Neuf still has David Garrard on his bench, you know, just in case. That shows the kind of dedication we were all looking forward to in Neuf’s inaugural season in The League. Jenkins 148 for some reason, Neuf 82.
Cunting Runts vs. Morgantown _____s
I can’t call them the Jokers when they don’t tell any jokes, or post anything on the boards, or hug me. I mean, what? Shane has won his first two games by a TOTAL of 7 points. This year’s captain luckypants award has been given out early. I’m sure he squeaks out another good number, from a bunch of dudes that is. Shaner 99 – Kevin 98.99999
Boners vs. Honey Badgers
Let me just say sporting wood around a deadly vicious bastard like a honey badger is a bad bad bad idea. Let me also say I doubt Antonio Gates gets another goose egg, or that Brady keeps up his breakneck pace. Then again we all were thinking the same thing about Moss/Brady a few years back and they sure as hell did it. Boners don’t need no stinking badgers, but he’ll get a beating from them anyway. Wild Animals 2011 – Married w/ Children 1987
Casey <3’s Chicken vs. Yaw Stin <3’s tailgate punching
I really think Brees and Mendenhall get 50+ combined for Justin. The problem is I can’t see the rest of his team putting up more than 40, if that. I’m sorry but Jerome “Only man in the world with a bigger forehead than Neuf” Simpson isn’t getting 136 yards again anytime soon. Not with some crazy ginger kid slinging him the ball. Not while playing for the Cincinnati Bungles. Plus Casey’s team looks solid up and down so far this year. Chicken Fuckers 88 – Punchy McYawstin 69
Don't like what I said? Have some thoughts of your own? Well say something then... turbo bitches.
Tiger blood fueled Chancellor Fletcher
Kevin – $50
Justin – $50
Please pay before your teams get injured and you get angry… oh wait that’s just my team as of next Tuesday. I can tell the future.
Two weeks into the 2011 season, and what have we learned so far?
Steve Smith (the original) is back with a vengeance. AJ Green is running away with the offensive rookie of the year, and Julio Jones and Mark Ingram have a long way to go to catch up. He just looks legit right out of the gate, even with his crazy ginger QB. Kenny Britt is staying off drugs and making Hasselbeck look like Seattle really was that bad of a team last season.
The top WR list looks ridiculous overall. I mean for fucks sake the #6 guy is Eric Decker. A white guy from Denver who somehow isn’t Ed McAffrey… Justin this is your notice to pick him up. C’mon you’re so close to having a purebred Aryan dynasty this season! Wait… this all sounds eerily familiar…
The RB’s are almost as crazy. I wish I had more than one of these guys… Fred Jackson, DMC, Ray Rice, Shady McCoy, AP, Forte, Best… wild first couple of weeks as Foster’s hammy is really fucking things up. Mendenhall barely has 100 yards on the season. Jamaal is on IR. Ryan Mathews and Mike Tolbert look like the equivalent of the Carolina duo from a couple of years back – possibly able to start both of them every week (assuming they both avoid injury). Wild stuff so far.
All this and I haven’t mentioned the most batshit crazy thing – Cam Newton is going off and his Dad hasn’t even asked for any more money yet. Cecil just wanted his house paid off, a new Bentley, and a couple of big face Rolex’s like in the video for “Otis” with Jay-Z and Kanye… but I mean c’mon, what kind of a son says no to that? Oh and Cutler sucks. Told you Smytty… dick. At least Colt McCoy is my backup. So… I’m fucked. The middle picks turned into two shitbag teams, which shouldn’t surprise anyone. Also, both teams are starting a Carolina RB while the rookie QB is going off for 400+ a game. Wow.
Raise your hand if you said Matt Schaub would be outscored by Andy Dalton, Newton, Colt, Hasselbeck, Sexy Rexy, Campbell, Sanchez, Henne, AND Fitzpatrick. Oh and also all of them would outscore Big Ben. All of you did? Well good for you, you fucking liars.
Well at least Antonio Gates was a safe pick as early as he was drafted.
Suck it Aurelio.
Although, you had two guys put up a goose egg and still won for some ungodly reason this week. Whatever. Dick.
Teams that look like shit: My Couch Pulls out and I’ve already given up on my team
Come at Me, Bro! *throws pizza* *gets thrown in jail* Ha. Ha.
Hartleys Haters Love Peyton’s Neck
Teams that are going to be boom or bust every week:
Yaw Stin Please don’t punch me at the LSU game
Rock ‘em Sock ‘em Lucky Pants ‘em in the hall at school
Role Models (see first photo above)
Boner Patrol’s For A New Dog
Dr. Pain in the ass
Honey Badgers vs Wolverines
Cunning Cunt Runts
Eat the Corn out of… oh that’s nasty. Plus it is way off your diet, fatty.
Rex and the Atlantic City Pool incident (if you haven’t heard I know a guy that would LOVE to tell you about it)
Here are my bold predictions for the week 3 matchups:
Corn Eater vs. Couch Fucker
Nutz, you may have lost Jamaal Charles, but at least you’re only playing my shitty ass team this week. Enjoy. Nutz 104-Fletcher 3.14
Come on Me vs. Hartley’s sudden Boner
That was gross, but I laughed while typing it. Both teams are pretty rough. I’ll give it to Smyth because he’s starting Earnest Graham and Jonathan Stewart and I just want to see the mental breakdown Zach has when he loses to this pile of horse shit this weekend. Smyth 74 – Zach 72.
Rex and AC vs. Rock ‘em Sock ‘em
For some reason I feel like Jimmy will get lucky. It has never happened before, but why not, right? Arian Foster will miraculously heal and go off for 150 and two TDs while Cam Newton suddenly goes back to being a rookie and throws for 150 and two INTs. James Louis Laurita III – Richard Pell II.
Dr. Nerf Herder vs. Role Models
If Jenkins loses to Neuf while he’s OUT OF THE FUCKING COUNTRY that would be sad I guess. At the same time, I would laugh. The fact is though it shouldn’t happen. Neuf still has David Garrard on his bench, you know, just in case. That shows the kind of dedication we were all looking forward to in Neuf’s inaugural season in The League. Jenkins 148 for some reason, Neuf 82.
Cunting Runts vs. Morgantown _____s
I can’t call them the Jokers when they don’t tell any jokes, or post anything on the boards, or hug me. I mean, what? Shane has won his first two games by a TOTAL of 7 points. This year’s captain luckypants award has been given out early. I’m sure he squeaks out another good number, from a bunch of dudes that is. Shaner 99 – Kevin 98.99999
Boners vs. Honey Badgers
Let me just say sporting wood around a deadly vicious bastard like a honey badger is a bad bad bad idea. Let me also say I doubt Antonio Gates gets another goose egg, or that Brady keeps up his breakneck pace. Then again we all were thinking the same thing about Moss/Brady a few years back and they sure as hell did it. Boners don’t need no stinking badgers, but he’ll get a beating from them anyway. Wild Animals 2011 – Married w/ Children 1987
Casey <3’s Chicken vs. Yaw Stin <3’s tailgate punching
I really think Brees and Mendenhall get 50+ combined for Justin. The problem is I can’t see the rest of his team putting up more than 40, if that. I’m sorry but Jerome “Only man in the world with a bigger forehead than Neuf” Simpson isn’t getting 136 yards again anytime soon. Not with some crazy ginger kid slinging him the ball. Not while playing for the Cincinnati Bungles. Plus Casey’s team looks solid up and down so far this year. Chicken Fuckers 88 – Punchy McYawstin 69
Don't like what I said? Have some thoughts of your own? Well say something then... turbo bitches.
Tiger blood fueled Chancellor Fletcher
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